Going to the toilet is just another human function that children want to learn and imitate. Your children will love the independence gained from this developmental milestone, just as they did when learning to walk!
When is your child ready for toilet independence?
The child is physically capable of learning to control the muscles used for elimination when they can walk. Like any new muscular skill, controlling the openings of the body used for elimination requires practice. Be patient with your child – give your child a chance to practice and make mistakes, as it takes time before they fully catch on.
Usually, children are ready for toilet independence around 18 months, when they are very comfortable with walking. The process will be challenging and tedious for the adults, and it requires a lot of adult attention while the child is learning. It is best not to try to go through this procedure when it has to be interrupted, such as going on extended trip.
How do you begin with the toilet independence?
- Purchasing new underpants together
You can go to the store with your child and purchase new underpants (We suggest cotton training pants). When you come home, help your child put the training underwear on and tell them that from now on, they will wear the underpants.
Remember, do not put diapers on your child anymore as it contradicts everything you are trying to teach your child. You might continue to use pull-ups at night and during naps for a while. Night-time toilet independence will come a bit later.
- Timing
As soon as your child wakes up, help them use the potty. Often a child is still dry and will need to urinate upon waking. Don’t force your child stay too long on the potty. Sit with them; make them feel comfortable, and act happy. Don’t overdo this!
- Successes
If your child eliminates in the potty, point this out to your child - this will help to make your child conscious of the fact that they helped their body with this act. Don’t overdo the praises, as it may have the opposite effect. But recognize it and share in their excitement briefly.
By the same token, if your child does nothing in the potty, don’t be disappointed. Your child may not yet know they have that kind of control over their body. Simply let your child get up, matter-of-factly saying, “We’ll try it again later.” Allow your child to pull up the training underwear and offer only the help that is needed.
- Clothing
It is best not to put outer pants on your child at home until they are completely independent with using the potty. After that, it is best to use light shorts or pants with an elastic waistband, so that your child can easily pull their pants up and down when they need to use the toilet. Zippers, buckles and buttons are difficult for the child and make them dependent on an adult to help them with their clothing. Dresses are also difficult, as they usually end up wet from urine or the water from inside the toilet.
Now comes the tricky part: When your child wets their training pants, they will be very aware of it and it should make them uncomfortable. Be friendly and take them to the bathroom. Tell them that their urine can go in the potty. Show them how to take off the wet underpants by themselves. Show your child where to put the wet underpants. Show your child where the stack of clean, dry underpants is (should be in your child’s reach) and have them go and get a dry pair. Have your child put on the dry underpants by themselves. It is very important that your child does the indicated tasks by themselves to foster their independence, which is the key to toilet independence. It is good to keep a small stool or chair in the bathroom on which your child can sit and get dressed and undressed.
From now on, help your child to go to the bathroom about once every hour or two. Avoid asking “Would you like to…?” or "Are you ready to..." as these questions seem to suggest a choice when you are trying to avoid the choice in this instance. Instead say: “It is time to go to the bathroom.” If they protest, remind them that you will return to their prefered activity after sitting on the potty. The adult must be very regular in taking the child to the bathroom and, for the parents, this is the hardest part of the toilet independence. Try to observe your child’s natural rhythm and follow it.
Remember! It takes time to learn a new skill.
If your child is refusing to use the potty, there may be too much pressure from the adult. If they have a toilet accident in their underpants, it is okay. Have your child help clean it up and be calm about it. Soon, your child will go to the bathroom independently and even begin telling you when they need the bathroom. Try as much as possible to relinquish control and don’t overdo the praising. It may trigger the child’s need to oppose the parent.
There still may be accidents from time to time. Some days your child will be more interested in using the potty compared to other days. If you stay calm about it and have plenty of dry underpants available for the child, there will be no stigma attached to an accident. Be sure to have your child take the wet underpants off by themselves and put on the dry pants by themselves. This plays a big part in the child’s awareness and it will further encourage your child to use the toilet.
Night-time toilet independence
When you feel ready to introduce underwear during sleep times, it is best to place a waterproof cloth-covered pad on the top of your child’s sheet to protect the mattress. If you can avoid it, don’t give your child any drinks too close to or after bedtime. Take your child to the bathroom right before they go to bed. Making that a part of your normal night time routine and doing it the same way every night will certainly help your child become more familiar with the process even when they are struggling to catch on.
Take-aways
The hardest but most essential part of toilet independence is the consistent help the adult must give the child. Don’t put it off by saying, “My child is not ready.” You are the one who must be ready. Your child will gladly use the toilet with your help and encouragement.
It is very important to realize that toilet independence is liberating for the child (and the adult!), as the child no longer has to walk around with dirty diapers and rely on the adult to clean them. The result of being able to accomplish this human act will make your child so proud of themselves. Your child will love wearing the underpants. They will love the comfort of feeling light-weight cotton pants on their body instead of a bulky, heavy diaper.
Once you start, do not put your child into daytime diapers or pull-ups anymore! It will make the whole process much longer.
GOOD LUCK!
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